“I DON’T HAVE TO PUT ON PANTS TODAY!”
1. Nice — I get to work from home tomorrow.2. I’m going to be so productive without the distractions of the office.3. No boring meetings, no awkward small-talk in the bathroom.4. And I’ll be able to eat those leftovers from dinner instead of buying lunch!5. OH YES I can set my alarm forward by a whole 30 minutes!6. Hahaha morning commute, you can suck it.7. Someone’s going to be well-rested tomorrow.
8. Ah, time to get ready for a productive day.9. Wait. I don’t need to shower.10. I don’t even need to put on pants.11. OMG PAJAMAS ALL DAY YAAASS.12. I should probably still brush my teeth, though.13. Dental hygiene doesn’t take a day off.14. OK, desk. You ready for this?15. I’m comfy at my desk. I’ve got myself some coffee and a snack. This will be great.16. Let’s catch up on some emails.17. Wow, already done — I really am being more productive.18. I’ll do some brainstorming for that new project.19. Then I can start up on that new report.20. I’m a ***master of working from home.
21. Wow, almost lunchtime already?22. OK, I’ll sign off for a bit to make myself a healthy meal.23. A salad, perhaps?24. Ugh, kind of wish I could get lunch from that burger place by the office.25. Screw it. I’ll just heat up a frozen meal.26. I guess it couldn’t hurt to turn on the TV while I eat.27. Oooh, House Hunters marathon.28. I’ll just finish this one episode, then I’ll get right back to work.29. SHUT UP THEY DID NOT PICK HOUSE No. 2.30. Wow. I might need to watch a little bit of the next episode to calm me back down.31. (30 minutes later) Oh. Fuck. That episode just ended. 32. I really need to get back to work.33. But the couch is so comfortable.34. I could just bring my laptop over here…35. Yes. brilliant. This is why working from home is the best.
36. OK, back to that project.37. Ooh, I’ve got a great ide— OH WOW THIS IS COMFORTABLE.38. Maybe I’ll just lie down for a few minutes.39. (20 minutes later) Fuck, did I really just zone out for 20 minutes?40. Come on, me, get back to work.41. Emails, emails. Look at me being productive.42. Type type-y type. Typing away. Doing the things.43. Hmm, wonder if that House Hunters marathon is still on.44. It can’t hurt to just have it on in the background, I guess.45. Some people work better with background noise, so obviously I’m doing the right thing.46. Shit. I just watched another entire episode without doing any work.47. Maybe a change of scenery will do me good.48. I’ll go work at that coffee shop I’ve been meaning to try.49. With all those people there, I won’t be able to zone out.
50. This place looks fantastic.51. Mmm, and this coffee is great. It will totally help me focus.52. Wait, what’s the Wi-Fi password here?53. Back to work. 54. I can’t screw around; I’m in the middle of the room and everyone can see me.55. OH GOD I SWEAR THAT WAS A WORK EMAIL DON’T JUDGE THAT IMAGE.56. Ooh, I’m a fan of this soft indie pop playlist.57. How long am I allowed to stay here before I need to buy something else to justify taking up this table?58. Because I feel like the barista is already looking at me funny.59. FINE, BARISTA. I WILL LEAVE.
60. Back at home. Back to my desk so I can focus.61. Only a couple more hours.62. I’ll get a snack out of the fridge to keep myself occupied.63. The best thing about this is that I have a bathroom all to myself.64. It’s always so weird when you’re in the bathroom at work and someone you know walks in.65. But here I am free. Free to be meeeeee.66. The day is almost over. Let’s finish strong.67. A couple more emails.68. And now one last note… and I’m done!69. I did it. I successfully worked from home.70. And I only accidentally procrastinated for three hours!71. Now, to change into a fresh pair of pajamas and get right into bed.