I realized a long time ago that Im not interested in being tamedby a partner.

Im fucking wild, and I like living my life that way.

Im not black-out-drinking-self-destructive wild (anymore). Im healthy wild. Like, Im addicted to pouring my heart out on the internet, and I physically cant tell a lie even if it means making an awkward situation less awkward.

I feel big feelings, Im expressive and I suffer from acute delusions of grandeur. I recklessly spend money, I like to use delicate words like fuck and pussy (in a sophisticated way, of course) and I like to stay out really late drinking shitty champagne in drag bars.

Everything I own is loud. My necklaces clanktogether when I walk. The chains on my boots make dinging sounds as they rub against each other. The heavy heels bang loudly against the ground. People often think a dog is running behind them, only to realize its just Zara and her loud AF jewelry.

People Ive dated are initially drawn to me for these exact reasons. They like the mess. The mess is fun. The mess has a shit ton of soul. The mess is what drives me to love them harder than theyve ever been loved before in their entire lives.

But eventually, they start to resent the mess. They want to clean that shit up and tame me like a zoo animal.

Ive been in a lot of relationships at this stage in the game, and I can see the shiny red flags from a mile away now. And when I see warning signs that some bitch is trying to tame me, I run like the god damn wind.

Tame, after all, is just a fancy way of saying, I WANT TO STEAL YOUR LIGHT and keep it for myself.

Only energy vampires attempt to tame people, and we dont date energy vampires, girls.

So, here are theofficial warning signs someone is trying to tame you:

1. They shame you for being the life of the party.

Look, if youre blacking out every night, thats one thing. But if youre just the life of the party, the clown that makes everyone laugh, the glitter, the glamour, the scandal or the babe of the evening, you should be celebrated, not shamed.

I always know someone is trying to change me when they say things like, Why do you have to talk to everyone all the time, Zara? or, Why do you need so much attention at the party? Why arent I ENOUGH?

And you know what? One person is never enough. And thats OK. Youre allowed to enjoy the attention of the masses. Youre allowed to sparkle, even when youre cuffed.

Because some women just radiate a certain energy and light that intoxicates a room, and to dull that down because your SO is threatened by its palpable power is a SIN.


2. They passive aggressively glorify other women.

You know Kate cooks dinner for Ryan every single night? Isnt that sweet? theyll say, their tone super condescending as they glare at you blissfully eating peanut butter straight out of the jar.

They say this as a subtle way to implyKate is domesticated and a better partner, and youre a stupid child eating peanut butter.

But you know what I say? Im not Kate, asshole.

Kate might cook dinner, but Kate has no personality, Kate has no spirit and Kate wouldnt drop everything for Ryan the moment hes having an emotional breakdown in the middle of the work day.

If you want Kate, date Kate. Because Ill never be Kate.Im Zara Barrie, bitch. And Katecant get down and dirty like Zara can.


3. They encourage you to listen to different music.

Nothing is as visceral as music. We like the music we like because it speaks to us on a deep level, and it knocks us out of our intellect and connects us to our hearts.

Which is why people who want to tame others are threatened by a womans love of her precious music. They will swoop in and undermine your taste.

Why dont you listen to the greats of the 60s? Why do you love Taylor Swift? Shes such a bimbo, theyll say, polishing off their annoying, pretentious records.

Look, I love Taylor Swift. She gets me, and I get her.

Youre just trying to control my mind by getting me to listen to music that fits your lifes agenda. And its not going to happen, honey.

Because I only date people who respect my taste in music. Because if you dont respect my taste in music, youre not respecting mymost raw feelings.

Music is what ~feelings~ sound like. Dont drown out the sounds of my feelings with the sounds of yours, you here?

WTF Does “Girlfriend Material” Even Mean? [GEN WHY]


4. They manipulate you with their families.

Well, you know, Zara, my family is REALLY conservative, so dont, uh, you know, be yourself.

Look, were all polite women. We know how to behave. But we also can read between the lines, sugar. When you say this, we know youre saying If you want to be part of my family, you need to tone yourself down.

Instead of being proud of our eccentricities and unique style, you want us to white wash it and youre using your family as a tool in your ploy.

Ive been around the block 30 times now, and Ive never met a mom who didnt like me. It was always the person using their fabulous mom as a threat to force me into changing my identity.

And it doesnt work.


5. They shame your sexuality.

Kittens, this is honestly one of the most heartbreaking things a human being can do to another human being. And I see it all the time, sadly.

Just the other day, my friend told me her boyfriend doesnt want her to talk about sex in her stand-up anymore. Shes a wildly sexual stand-up comedian, and her sexuality is a huge part of her entire identity.

He made her feel ashamed for being open about sex in her routine, telling her it was cheap.

Its happened to me, too. I had an ex who got mad at me when I told her I was turned on and wanted to sext. She tried to make me feel like I was some dirty, little sleaze because I wanted to SEXT.

Sex is such a core part of who we are, and its super vulnerable. When you share that vulnerable part of yourself and its a part of yourself thats strong and colorful and beautiful and your lovermakes you feel embarrassed for it, run.

And never look back.

Because thats the ultimate stealing of a persons light. Its the ultimate way of dulling a persons natural shine. Its the ultimate way to chip away at a persons individuality and control everything about them.

People who want to tame know your sexuality is such a powerful part of who you are. They know your sexuality is greater than them, thatits an energetic force of nature, and they dont like the energy because they dont like anything they cant control. And their mission is to control.

So, kittens, if any of these five red flags are appearing in your new relationship, message me. Because you clicked into this article, and I feel responsible for you now.

I wasted too much of my life with assholes who tried to tame me, and Ill never get that time back. I dont want that for you.

Youre so gorgeous and powerful just the way you are. Find someone who will add to your beautiful mess, not try and clean it up.

Because clean floors are nice, but clean, stale people are boring. And youre not boring. Dont let them make you boring.

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Read more: http://elitedaily.com/dating/red-flags-tame-you-wild-personality/1673047/

Ill admit it. Women can be complicated, but for every complicated woman out there, theres a man whos too simple for his own good so simple that hes COMPLETELY missing a womans blatant signals that shes flirting with him.

Take these men who responded to a recent Reddit thread, for example.

The prompt asked them to share stories of times a woman was coming onto them, and they didnt realize it, and their responses are, well theyre pretty freaking cringeworthy.

Read along for yourself as these guys share the painfully awkward tales of times girls were essentiallythemselves at them, and they had literally no idea:

She showed him her clit piercing, and he thought it was just NBD.

She showed me her clit piercing. She was hot as fuck. I was not an ugly “so cute” dummy either, just plain dumb and stupid apparently.

/u/nomochahere


She talked to him for MONTHS, and he just let it fizzle.

Couple months back i had started talking to this girl who was literally everything i would have liked in a girl and as the months rolled by we got closer and eventually it kinda stopped . just last week i was talking to out mutual friends and they all spent an hour roasting the fact that i didnt realize she was into me while i mentally time travelled and beat my past selft in the face for being so blind .

/u/Kwetomthesavage


She slyly suggested they grab some condoms, and it completely went over his head.

Went to the University health center together. Like all University health centers, there was a box of condoms near the entrance. I was about to go to the reception when my crush went over to the condoms, grabbed a couple and says, “Hmm what’s this, they look interesting.” And proceeded to keep looking at the condoms and me back and forth for about 5 times. We’re quite close so I thought she was fucking with me and due to my low self-esteem I didn’t think she ‘liked’ me. I looked at her funny and said, “Those are condoms, now come on let’s go talk to the receptionist.”

Everything was normal, after finishing we walked back to our dorm together and talked. We were quite close so I didn’t think about it much until the holidays hit because I’m a dense cunt who is clueless.

The end.

/u/Sickaburn


She told him she loved him MULTIPLE times, and he didnt think anything of it until years later.

This was more than just flirting, but still counts.

During the summer between the end of middle school and the beginning of high school, I FINALLY realized that this girl liked me as more than a friend. Flirting with me since 6th grade, kissing me in 7th grade, telling me she loved me multiple times. all of that somehow flew over my head. What did I do? Like a nervous wreck I waited way too long to ask her out to homecoming. She was already asked by someone else.

/u/PacSan300


She gave him her number, and he didnt even think to use it.

Grade 11 was ending and it was that time of year when everyone writes in everyone else’s yearbooks. Pretty girl I was friends with wrote “Hope your summer isn’t too boring!” along with her phone number.

Never even gave it a thought until at least a year later. Criiiiinge.

/u/DBUniversity


She kissed him multiple times, and he thought she was just being friendly.

About a year ago these doctors I used to live with were in the area for a conference. We hung out in a hotel lobby, played a few songs, some of their colleagues and former students joined us for dinner. One of the women liked my singing and we talked a bit.

After the dinner everyone besides her and I went back to their hotels, she asked if I wanted to get a drink. We wandered the city, found a bar across the river, talked for a while and she paid the tab.

We left the place, she opens the uber app, we say goodbye and she kisses me. I’m taken aback, but she says it’s just a goodbye kiss or something along those lines.

Then her “phone dies” (I see her press the power button), she asks if I can get her a ride. I comply, and as it shows up she kisses me again, tells me I’m beautiful, and the uber driver waits for a few prolonged moments with me outside before taking her to her hotel, never to be seen again.

Later I’m headed home in an uber, tell my driver about the ordeal, and she says I’m an idiot.

In my defense I did suspect something the first time she kissed me, but I was just so confused by the whole situation.

/u/_hephaestus


She stuck around during a BOMB THREAT just to hang out with him, and he still wasnt sure if it meant anything.

I used to go to a community college. One day in my last class, in the after noon there was a bomb threat on a bus near the college. Some lunatic said he had a bomb in his wheelchair so the entire city freaked out, and of course the college went on super lock down. Armed security barricaded the doors, the whole 9 yards, students are sobbing, really tense shit.

Anyway, there was this girl in the class who sat behind me who I kinda thought may have liked me but wasn’t sure, so I did nothing. She use to laugh when the teacher (who I was pals with) would rib on me. Like “look how red Goatsonice’s cheeks are today!” and the girl would bust out laughing. Anyway, I digress, the threat is finally called off, my dad had to come get me, and he was a long way away at work, so i had to wait. So I just sat in the class room, and slowly students trickled out, the traffic in the parking lot was a nightmare because it had been like 4 hours and then everyone left at once.

Finally it was just me and this girl in the room, I thought “why is she staying?”, she had a car, the parking lot was now empty, she waited with me for like 2 hours after everyone had left just talking to me. The one thing that kept me from going for it was she was pretty damn Catholic, and she really liked that I was born/raised Catholic, oh well.

She might have been into me idk.

/u/Goatsonice


She told him he was beautiful, and he walked away.

Posted this before but it fits:

I’m walking through a club and a girl stops me to chat.

Girl: “Hi, you’re beautiful.”

Me: “Uh, I am?”

Her friend: “You are a beautiful man.”

Me “Um, thanks.”

Awkward small talk for a few minutes before I leave to go the bar

Me, a week later: “That girl might have been into me”

/u/ymmv_


She told him he was the cutest boy in their class, and it took him three years to realize that meant something.

In high school, there was this girl in my spanish class that blatantly told me that I was the cutest boy in the class in front of the guy friends that I sit with. She would also be pretty happy when I talked to her.

3 years later i’m a sophomore in college and I realized I should have talked to her about this because i’m never going to meet another women that was confident like that.

/u/GMSaaron


She was asking all sorts of questions about his hip-hop group and he just gave her his instructors info.

So I was on an adult beginner hip-hop dance crew when I lived in Houston nice little weekend activity that kept me in shape and got me in touch with cool people to hang out with.

Got to chatting with the girl who was cutting my hair one time and talked about the team, and she seemed really interested started asking when they offered classes, which ones I went to, etc. She even fucking asked for my number so I could give her more info.

My response? “Here, let me actually give you my instructor’s information she’d be able to tell you way more about it.”

I still cringe when I think about that, but at the same time it’s nice to learn I’m single.

/u/Aldairion

Yeah, I really hope youre cringing as hard as I am right now.

Read more: http://elitedaily.com/dating/guys-didnt-realize-girls-flirting/1893322/