21 Truths Only A “Coronation Street” Fan Will Understand

1. Everything starts with a battleaxe.

The first Street battleaxe was Ena Sharples and she has rarely been bettered.

2. The north is better than the south.

3. Gossips might be quite annoying but how is anyone going to find anything out without them?

4. Tumblr goes crazy for lesbianism.

The tender love story between Christian teens Sophie and Sian was probably the show’s most blogged-about ever.

5. Do not have a surrogate baby for the neighbours or else this will happen to you.

6. But it’s okay to spend every single night in the pub and nobody will call you out on it.

7. Weatherfield has some excellent DJs.

8. But some really dreadful rappers.

9. If he’s trying to hurry you along to name the date, it likely means he’s the local arsonist.

10. Going upstairs to your bedroom to play tapes will take you several years.

And the process will render you a murderous psychopath.

11. Cleopatra lived in Weatherfield once.

That’s Amanda Barrie, the late Alma Halliwell-Sedgewick-Baldwin, starring in Carry On Cleo.

12. Women are generally ferocious, men generally simpering wusses.

Probably because it was conceived by Tony Warren like a gay man’s fantasy of life in backstreet Salford.

13. But these women can also be lethal toward each other.

14. And Mrs Walker would not have stood for any of this nonsense.

15. Nobody actually knows what Fat Brenda from Streetcars looks like.

But it’s probably something like this.

16. The middle classes are evil.

17. All of them.

18. Your mother will get progressively sluttier with age.

19. Belts tell many stories.

21. And yet… nothing is ever going to be okay again.

Hayley is dying and I just can’t believe they are doing this to any of us. Any of us.