It’s the beginning of a new year — a year filled with so many opportunities and possibilities.
It’s a time for a change and, at your age, you know exactly what change you want to make. Sure, you’ve told yourself time and time again you would make this change, but due to pesky little things like FOMO and peer pressure, you just haven’t been able to do it.
Have you figured out what change I’m referring to? That’s right — going out.
It doesn’t matter if it’s clubbing or just a “casual” bar (because everyone knows that no night is casual when alcohol is involved), we’ve been over this for months and even years, but we haven’t done a damn thing about it.
But the time has come that we realize it’s not normal to rock a mini dress in January and you shouldn’t still be trying to figure out how to pace yourself (it’s okay, I still am).
“But all my friends are going out I don’t want to be the loser,” you say to yourself every single weekend, which — of course — will only be followed by a brutal hangover the next day.
Well, you know what actually makes you a loser? Going out just for the sake of it, and then beating yourself up over it the next day as you hug the toilet bowl for hours.
So if you still need more convincing on why it’s better to stay in than it is to go out, here you go…
1. You don’t gain excessive weight or bloat
And you know what that means… more calories to spend on foods you do actually like as you won’t be wasting any empty calories on alcohol.
Also: You won’t be making poor food choices in a blacked-out state. I mean, it’s not like you would ever soberly inhale two pies of pizza… would you?
2. You wake up not regretting every decision you made the night before
You didn’t go out, didn’t f*ck up and, as a result, you regret absolutely nothing! You know when you’re filled with regrets?
When you spend the entire night ripping tequila shots. Now you can trade those in for a nice date with Netflix.
3. You’re more productive on the weekend
Everyone knows that terrible feeling on Saturdays and Sundays when you wake up miserably hungover. You lie and lie and suddenly it’s 5 pm and you realize you haven’t even left your apartment yet.
For someone who works a five-day work week, wouldn’t you want to make the most of your free time instead of wasting it away?
4. You save a sh*t ton of money
When you’re not waving around your Chase blue debit card and buying shots for strangers with nice shoes, you actually have enough money so you don’t have to choose between paying rent and eating.
5. You save friendships by avoiding drunk fights over where to get pizza
What’s the fastest way to ruin a friendship? That’s easy: get in a fight over the stupidest things while you and your friend are wasted.
Neither of you will really remember what happened and no one is going to apologize.
6. You don’t have to wonder what things you did or said because you weren’t blacked out
You know exactly what you did because you stayed in! There is no anxiety or stress over things you may or may not have said because you avoided the entire situation.
If that isn’t reason enough not to go out, then I don’t know what is.
7. You definitely won’t be waking up to 60 tagged photos of you looking like Amanda Bynes
Everyone is all too familiar with that little ping of panic when your Facebook notifies you about some newly tagged photos. Photos?! You don’t even remember the night, the last thing you need to look at is photographic evidence.
8. You save the few remaining brain cells you do have
The reason so many people dread Monday mornings isn’t really because of their jobs, it’s because they spent the past two nights binge-drinking and living in a state of hungoverness.
9. You don’t actively destroy your kidneys, liver and immune system
The more you drink, the more susceptible you make yourself to illness. And ain’t nobody got time to deal with the common cold.
10. Your relatives won’t think you need to go to AA
Your family dinners will now go from interventions to actual conversations! Thank God…
11. That really expensive leather coat you just bought won’t get lost
Bringing a jacket out with you at night is quite the difficult decision. You don’t know if the place you are going to will have coat check and you definitely don’t want to hold on to it the entire night.
Your drunk self will definitely think leaving your coat in the corner is an OK move, but your sober self knows much, much better.
12. And neither will your phone…
The video says it all.
13. You can guarantee you will wake up in your own bed
And whether you are alone or with company is completely up to your sober self.
14. You won’t have an unwarranted emotional breakdown
There’s nothing that destroys a night quite like a massive influx of tears. The worst part of that whole situation is the fact that whatever it is you’re upset about probably isn’t even that big of a deal.